Velvet's Bad Fur Day
by The Blank Rainbow
Summary: After a night of drinking, Velvet finds herself in a bizarre land filled with violence, curse words and gross out jokes. It's going to be one of those days. A Conker's Bad Fur Day Parody. Rated M much like the game.
1. Prologue

_Velvet Scarlatina. Queen of all the land. Who would've thought that?_

As hard as it was to believe, that was the truth. The young girl who was just a student at Beacon Academy training to become a Huntress was now sitting in a royal throne of all things. The throne itself was massive given that it was made for someone much larger than her, as evidenced by the fact that her feet were still on the sit as she sat in it. Size aside it was a pretty comfy seat as one would expect from a seat made for royalty.

She even got a nice crown to go with it, tilting to one side of her head as it was supported by one of her long ears from the inside. Not that she cared to wear it normally as her long rabbit ears made it difficult to wear any sort of headwear in general and she didn't feel like cramming both of her ears into the crown. She had enough on her mind as it was outside of any concern for how she appeared.

Staring into the glass of milk she had in hand, she found it hard to be happy about her current predicament. The thunder rumbling outside of the throne room reflected the negative emotions she had in the place of her happiness. Emotions that had developed and build up over the course of a journey which lead to her ending up here. A rather unpleasant adventure that took her through a bizarre wonderland filled with equally bizarre characters, plenty of them trying to kill her along the way or trying to screw her over at least which often lead to her killing them in self-defense or simply to move on.

The few characters that were in the throne room with her were arguably the friendlier characters she had met along the way, ranging from bipedal animals to inanimate objects with eyeballs and mouths. All evidence that she wasn't in Vale anymore. She wasn't sure she was even in her own world anymore considering everything that she had seen and fought off. In hindsight, she felt no guilt about all the killing she did considering she wasn't sure if killing inanimate objects counted as murder and she was fairly sure killing the animal residents didn't count as murder.

It was fair to say that her adventure had really changed her and she could still remember it like it was yesterday because it literally was yesterday. What a day that was, easy one of the strangest days she's ever had as well as one of the worst. With nothing else to do at the moment, she can only sit there as she thought about the long chain of events that lead up to this moment. Like with many people, her adventure started due to her getting drunk one night and waking up in an unfamiliar setting.

The start of what she would call a bad fur day.

* * *

 **This was an idea I had for a while, wondering what it could be like having Velvet go through Conker's Bad Fur Day. Will make some mild changes but will intend to keep it as vulgar and violent as the original game, hence the M rating. May also make some mild changes to correct errors or improve the chapters.**

 **For all that are fans of the game, hope you enjoy and share with others that will enjoy it.**


	2. The Start of a Bad Day

To start the story from the beginning is a bit difficult considering Velvet wasn't entirely sure of the details herself. Looking back as far as she could into her memory she could recall herself inside of a new bar that had opened up recently. As for why she was there, she couldn't remember but there was a good chance Coco invited her to the bar for some fun and the end result was Velvet experiencing her first night being drunk. It was a strange feeling, having trouble walking and talking due to having her brain impaired by the alcohol and ultimately decided to call it a night and go home.

After managing to find the front door, Velvet staggers into the cold night outside, immediately noticing the pouring rain as she steps in front of the bar.

"Well, it this doesn't look like a good night..."

Any further thoughts were interrupted as she felt whatever she was drinking starting to climb back up her throat, eyes widening and rabbit ears going stiff as she tries to hold it down only to fail as she bends over and starts puking on the ground. It wasn't a pleasant feeling in the slightest, but she did feel a bit better once she got it out of her system. Her relief was short lived as she heard a hissing noise that made her look up to find that she had puked near the feet of someone in a red robe carrying what looked like a stone tablet. She could've sworn it looked like an orange lizard, but given that she was currently drunk it could've just been a hallucination caused by the alcohol. Regardless, it was angry with her so she apologized like she normally would or at least tried to in her current state.

"S...Sorry about that... guess I had a bit too much so I'll be going now..."

She takes a few steps forward before stopping as she came to her first problem. She had no idea which way to go as the path in front of the bar went to the left and to the right with nothing to else to see within range. Least not in this darkness where the only light was coming from the bar behind her. With no reason to go in either direction and figuring that Coco could get herself home later, Velvet decides to go to the left and follow wherever that path took her, believing it was the right way. Most she could recall was leaving Vale to get to this place with Coco so it should only be a short walk and then hopefully she could take a bus if she found one.

At least, that was her plan as she kept following the stone road that felt like it was going on forever until she ended up at another intersection, stopping in front of a signpost that she looks up too. As expected of her condition, she couldn't make it out well enough to tell what it saying to her, a fact that was mildly annoying as she was trying to get home as soon as possible.

"Can't make it out. Though I think I'm on the right track. Seems familiar enough."

While she was trying to work out where to go next, her rabbit ears picked up a loud buzzing noise that was coming from behind her, belonging to a group of giant wasps that were trying to be sneaky as they carried a hive with them, though the constant whispering was proof that they had trouble grasping the act of being sneaky. Fortunately for them, they're already out of sight by the time Velvet turned around to check what it was, only to find nothing there.

"Huh? Was I hearing things? Well, guess I'll try going this way."

With that, she simply takes the path that was in front of her, having no reason to go in any direction as she continued her journey to get home and get to sleep. Better then staying where she was at least.

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While Velvet was having her little stroll through unknown territory, the local king was having a quiet evening as he sat in his throne listening to the rain pouring outside with the occasional lightning that gave his castle an ominous appearance when viewed from the outside. Known as The Panther King, the name was very direct seeing that he was a very large panther that wore robes and a crown like a king.

As he sat there one of his guards, being a weasel in a suit of armor with a spear approaches him while holding a quart milk toward the king, well aware of his drink preferences as he did is usual duty.

"More milk, sire?"

There wasn't much of a pause before the king nodded, holding out his glass so the weasel can fill it with more milk. Bringing the glass to his mouth, the king takes a drink from it before setting it on the table next to him. The table itself was missing a leg, thus making it a three-legged table and with the glass of milk placed on the corner with the missing leg, it was inevitable that the table would tip over, causing the glass of milk to slide right off and hit the ground.

What followed soon after the weasel guard gulping in fear as the king took a few breathes before finally roaring in rage, much like a panther over his wasted milk.

{}{}{}{}{}

Going back to Velvet, it wasn't clear when but it would seem that she had passed out at some point as she found herself waking up in the dirt, suffering from the effects of her first hangover as she felt terrible. Sitting up from the dirt, she coughs a good amount while holding her head in pain, taking a moment to look around only to find she had no idea where she was. Hungover and lost in a place she didn't know, it was already looking like it was going to be a bad day.

"Yep... it's going to be one of those days."

Managing to get to her feet, she double checks herself, confirming that she still had her combat outfit on though she couldn't find her camera anywhere. She didn't remember having it when she went drinking either so it was possible she never took it out of her dorm room. Which meant she had no weapon to defend herself, another fact to prove it was going to be a bad day should she come across any danger.

With shaky first step, Velvet begins her trip home as she decides to check out the nearby vegetable patch first. Maybe she could get something to eat at least.


End file.
